A realistic path to Self-Actualisation
What is it that makes you ‘tick’?
I wish the answer to the above question was simple and could be applied to everyone universally. This is one of the most sought after questions in philosophy. I am going to, through this post, help you find answer to the above question by connecting with yourself so you can have deep and meaningful conversations with your inner self in order to reach a state of self-awakening. I am by no means an expert in this field but have awakened enough to know that it’s just the start and I still have a long way to go.
One proviso when you decide to set off on this journey of self discovery is that you need to have met your basic needs in Maslow’s hierarchy in order to move towards a self realisation lest you will be constantly be riddled with other frivolous issues in life acting as barriers in your quest.
Assuming that you meet this criterion, here are some practices that really helped me take control of my life in order to figure out my true sense of self. Using this template will empower you to find your place in this society by staying in unison with your inner self.
1. Intellectual journal:- I cannot stress upon what an important role this journal can play in advancing your critical thinking. This is the secret friend you never had — your confidant. You can let your guard down and be brutally honest about your fears and insecurities here. Make a weekly commitment to pen down your thoughts, I personally found using the following structure incredibly useful (else my mind tended to run amok with uncontrollable thoughts).
Here’s how you do this — think about 2–3 areas for a deeper reflection spanning across personal and professional life which had an impact on you during the week and break it down into the following three layers, courtesy Dr. Richard Paul — you can find more ideas on how to activate your critical thinking in his book Critical Thinking :-
- Situation. Describe a situation that is, or was, emotionally significant to you (that is, that you deeply care about). Focus on one situation at a time.
- Your Response. Describe what you did in response to that situation. Be specific and exact.
- Actions to take in the future. Describe what you actions you can take when faced with a similar situation in the future. Use bullet points and be specific
This will enable you to understand the situation and your deeper behavioral nuances in relation to these situations. You will not wallow in those problems in the future but on the contrary will come up with potential workable solutions you will devise through this exercise. These solutions will stick with you. Trust me. You will subconsciously know how to best tackle your problems — this is YOU taking back charge of your own life. You can, every now and then, go back to see older entries to make sure that you are making progress and going down the right path by showing improvement on handling similar situations in the future.
This will be deeply cathartic and you’ll feel several pounds lighter after. I use Diaro to capture my thoughts, hope you’ll find this free app useful as well.
2. The quadrants of your life:- Put in simple terms, your life has the following major categories and it’s critical to keep all these hand in hand for a more fulfilled life. It’s quite alright for these to be lopsided at times but if one aspect is left completely neglected for a prolonged period of time, you’ll be jolted one day by feeling a pit inside your gut. It won’t be a nice feeling. Here are your life quadrants and here’s how you map these out:-
FAMILY | Set a vision for what you want to give your family. It can be money, time, support etc.
CAREER | Set a vision for your career trajectory. What courses, trainings should you sign up for. What responsibilities you need to take on for a better trajectory
FRIENDS | Set a vision for your friendships. Who are the people who have your back. How can create a symbiosis to enrich each others’ lives
SELF IMPROVEMENT | Set a vision for how you can improve your life. the outputs from your intellectual journal can be plugged in here e.g. develop empathy for people, self compassion etc.
It’s worth looking back on this blueprint of your life every two months to reflect and analyse if some aspects are skewed. If it is, it is time for correction. This will enable you to live a balanced and a hearty life.
3. Inch by inch, life’s a cinch:- And yard by yard, life’s hard. We all love a good new year’s resolution, don’t we? Ever wondered why people don’t follow through with their resolution. One year is way too big a period. While it’s important to zoom out of your life and see the big picture, it’s equally important to see the picture piece by piece — like a jigsaw puzzle. Not just the resolutions, it’s important to track our progress in life week by week. It’s critical to understand what you want out of the week just as the week is about to start.
Think of the top 5 things you need to achieve from the week and check it off at the end of the week. This will really be a gratifying exercise. This will make you acutely sensitive towards achieving these goals as you will be able to see these ladder up to your life’s big picture. A sneak peek into my diary, I list these into professional (Pr) or personal (Pe) buckets:-
- Lead project workshop (Pr)
- Catch-up with the project partner for coffee (Pr)
- Go for tennis lessons (Pe)
- Call up a friend (Pe)
- Make time for writing personal blog (Pe)
This will keep you laser focused on your week and you will subliminally work towards these. You won’t have to scramble to orient your life later on as these will naturally roll up to your life objectives. If you start looking at time from the lens of weeks, you’ll realise how short the month is and hell even a year for that matter.
4. Curiosity killed the cat:- Sure it did. But being curious about yourself will not do you any harm. The first step towards being curious is to understand that just like you are the centre of your own little universe so are other people the centre of their own. But in the scheme of things — it doesn’t really matter. We are insignificant creatures on the face of earth with only a fleeting presence. While you are here, be curious about your existence and about everything surrounding you but never let this arsenal of discovery get the better of you. Be informed and stay humble. Try to address the deeper questions in your life and the only way you can go about doing this is having the ace card of knowledge up your sleeve. I make it a point to learn something new each day. This lends a great perspective and helps me figure out things a bit better every single day. I am able to better understand people’s motivation and motivations of my own. Over time, it all comes together.
One of the biggest nudges that hugely helped me anchor and find my feet in this ever changing tumultuous world is the stargazing tour I took at University of Canterbury Mt. John observatory. It was majestic. A peek at the sheer grandiose of the universe was awe inspiring. I witnessed beautiful patterns in the galaxy, from birthing of stars — Orion Nebula, to teenage stars — Omega Cluster, to dying stars — Eta Carinae, it was evident how we are nothing but a speck of dust in the vastness of the ever expanding universe. We can’t make any difference by simply existing — the only favour we do on ourselves, let alone the universe, is keeping our sense of wonder and curiosity alive. Move beyond frivolity and bickering in life. Stop being petty. Don’t hold grudges and animosity towards others — not worth your time. You are meant for greater things. Understand your existence, origin, beliefs keeping a view of the vast spacetime you are in. I am not throwing in some platitudes here, I mean having a very pragmatic approach towards achieving this by:-
- Wrapping your head around the expansiveness of the universe
- Understanding how life came into existence
- Understanding how we evolved from from single cellular organisms to the complex creatures that we are today
- Learning about our recorded history since 3000–5000 BC
- Understanding how different cultures/nationalism came into being etc.
Agreed, it’s quite easy to succumb to the drudgery of life and elevating ourselves to keep a view of the above can become quite challenging. Often times, I find myself getting engulfed into the nitty gritty of life and forgetting who I truly am — my saviour at that point is this picture turned video of the Pale Blue Dot taken from Voyager 1 some thirty years ago — you realise that the earth is pixel esque and we all inhabits this pixel. It’s staggering. I get goosebumps every time I watch this video.
The point I am trying to make is in Steve Jobs’ words ‘Stay Hungry Stay Foolish’. Keep the fire within you burning to chase answers to both big and small questions of life while being grounded. This should be your true North Star in life. We are very curious as kids but somewhere down the life the fire in us gets doused. We start showing acceptance towards life, shrugging and thinking ‘what can I do, this is how it is’. People who are aberrations to this, very soon reach a stage of self awakening and are equipped to be more at ease with themselves. They have figured out that unbridled knowledge is the key to inculcating true wisdom within.
What is this wisdom, you may ask.
The ignorants are eternally at conflict with themselves by being anxious and beating themselves up about things that are beyond their control. You’ve attained wisdom in true sense when you stop blaming people around you and start taking responsibility for your own life and are in a state of homeostasis and harmony physiologically and at your interpersonal relationships. It’s about stepping into the other person’s shoe and coming to the table with a knowledge that there are not just fifty but a million shades of grey. There is no such thing as binary. An understanding that the only thing you can control is the circle of your influence and it’s almost silly to worry about the circle of concern because it is not in your control. You are the change.
Everyone is special in a unique way and may follow a destined path towards connecting with themselves and attaining this wisdom. When will the awakening take place — God only knows! In the meantime, you can have a go at expediting the process by following the suggestions above. I can’t guarantee that it will necessarily work for you but it will set you up for a better life for sure.
Once you start this voyage, I can assure you that there is no looking back and you will find yourself more considerate and forgiving of others. You will be able to see things from different perspectives which will be really illuminating and empowering for you. The only thing standing between you and your self actualisation is you.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself” — Rumi
